Table Manners
by Hallucifer
Summary: Join the Avengers for breakfast! Featuring incredibly important arguments, nice-guy Bruce, Nutella, and Loki's greatest achievement yet. Feel free to send JARVIS your sympathies.


**Table Manners**

**By GhostOfRattmann**

Generally breakfast should not be an overly complicated or difficult task. When involving super heroes capable of such feats as flying, various forms of fighting, and generally kicking ass, you would think it would be even easier.

You'd be wrong.

The first issue came with agreeing on what time breakfast actually took place. Bruce came stumbling into the kitchen at seven, apologizing for waking up late, only to find the only other person about was Tony. Said genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist had then remarked that it was about time someone else "got their ass out of bed", before going back to staring at the electronic tablet he had balanced in one hand, a steaming mug of coffee in the other.

Clint and Natasha were next to arrive, suspiciously in time with each other. While Tony muttered a brief greeting, Bruce offered to make more coffee.

The four of them sat around drinking for a while, before Steve finally showed up, commenting on his confusion concerning the buttons in Tony's showers. Jibes about being an old man followed from Tony's direction, before Bruce broke up an impending argument by asking Steve if he took sugar.

Half an hour later it was decided someone should probably go and wake Thor. 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' gave the task to Tony, who tried to pass the job off to JARVIS, who politely reminded "sir" that he did not have fingers and therefore was exempt. Tony went off muttering about lazy guests and smart ass computer systems.

Thor was found still in bed and snoring. Tony poked him several times with no success, before turning on the PA system and blasting the loudest 'AC/DC' track he could find. Thor then jumped up and grabbed Mjölnir and nearly took Tony's head off with it, before realising that they were, in fact, not under attack. Apologies and explanations of Midgardian rock music followed.

Once everyone had finally reconvened in the kitchen, it was agreed that breakfast tomorrow would take place at eight. Bruce took it upon himself to explain the purpose of a clock to Thor.

Clint volunteered to make bacon, much to everyone's delight. Ever helpful, Bruce took a loaf from the bread bin and set about making toast.

It turned out the two were rather good cooks, at least according to Thor who quickly finished his plate, before throwing it to the side and- of course- demanding another. Tony made him clean up first.

After ten minutes of everyone vaguely wondering what that banging noise was, someone remembered where they'd left Loki. Natasha volunteered to retrieve him, walking across the hall and opening the shoe cupboard, stepping back as he fell out along with a couple of umbrellas.

Loki glared at nothing in particular for a few moments, before struggling to his feet as best as one could do when bound and gagged. They sat him on a stool in the corner.

Bruce awkwardly asked Thor whether his brother would like a coffee. Thor responded by bolding proclaiming their "pleasantly warm Midgardian beverage" as a "man's drink", before handing Loki a 'Capri-Sun'. They allowed him a small hole in the mask for the straw.

Tony complained about grease getting on his design papers, bringing about several questions about why he had them at the table anyway, along with accusations of being a work-a-holic.

There was argument over who got the last piece of bacon. Loki made a hopeful noise, but was ignored. A fight was briefly suggested before the idea was rejected due to Tony not being willing to buy new... walls. It was eventually decided Bruce could have it, as thanks for making the coffee. He looked undeniably flattered.

JARVIS beeped a reminder about some important sounding meeting and coffee cups were drained, plates placed in the dishwasher, and various shoes and jackets pulled on as everyone rushed off to various appointments.

* * *

The next day, everyone showed up at or around a time that could possibly have been eight AM.

In the past twenty-four hours, someone had apparently gone shopping and the new jar of Nutella was soon fought over. Clint declared that everyone could make their own bacon this time.

Thor made an attempt. A lot of smoke, the fire alarm going off, and a whole lot of mess later, Bruce said he would make it for him.

Out of almost-sympathy and the unwillingness to go the court for accidentally staring someone, they removed Loki's mask. Despite everyone's expectation to receive a sarcastic comment, they were surprised when the first thing he did was request a bowl of 'Coco Pops'.

No one was sure when they first appeared, but at some point during the following week, someone had purchased a set of 'Avengers' mugs, complete with symbols on them. General giddy enthusiasm was attempted to be hidden.

On the first weekend, the usual ritual of getting dressed beforehand was abandoned. Tony mocked Steve for his 'Stars and Stripes' pajamas, causing Steve to retaliate with comments about narcissism, due to Tony's 'Stark Industries' nightwear set. No one commented on Clint wearing an over-size shirt with a cartoon hawk on it, not when he managed to pull it off while continuing to look to typically serious.

The discovery of the Nutella jar being empty was met with surprising amounts of anger, to the point where everyone actually started to get worried about Bruce. No one would admit to finishing it, but Loki grinned from his stool in the corner.

Some things were better than world domination.

* * *

On a bright Tuesday morning, Nick Fury stopped by to check on his team. JARVIS allowed him into the building, though with strong suggestions that he might want to come back later and warnings about possible damage to mental health.

No one actually noticed the elevator doors open, the main attention in the room on the rather heated debate going on at the table over whether or not it was wrong to eat 'Cheerios' on toast. Thor and, surprisingly, Clint seemed quite passionate about the subject.

Over in the corner, Loki appeared to have mastered the art of eating cereal while in handcuffs, though Thor had put a bib on him due to previous incidents.

Natasha was the one to notice Tony sneakily trying to pour whisky into his coffee. Again. Reprimands followed, though Steve seemed shockingly close to agreeing with Tony.

Fury took an uncharacteristically hesitant step forward, while JARVIS muttered something about not saying he wasn't warned. Slowly, one-by-one, they turned and noticed him.

An awkward silence followed, before Bruce offered to make another batch of coffee.


End file.
